In last month's Editor's Note, Brian Mahoney stated that when it came to predicting the outcome of the upcoming election, his crystal ball was still cloudy.  My Magic 8-ball, too, says "It is decidedly undecided" every time I flip the dern thing over.  In these final nebulous moments of gasping anticipation, what to do?  Here's a thought - give GOP Party Monsters, Volume 1 a spin!

Yes, it looks just like one of those fine CD compilations you might find in the Wal-Mart bin next to Starland Vocal Band's Greatest Hits.  But I certify you won't find this one in Mall-Wart.  It's all anti-Bush, all anti-establishment, all the time.  And oh, how shweet it is.  Note to John Ashcroft, whose eyes are peering 1) through my living room window, 2) out of my coffee cup, 3) through the eyes of my kitten, as I type this: this one's for you!

Yeah, he's a superstar on it.  So is William Bennett, Bill O'Reilly, Ann Coulter, Bill Frist, Rush Limbaugh, and all your favorite losers.  To quote a few advertising slogans from www.goppartymonsters.com, it's "the CD that Bush doesn't want you to hear!  The CD that inspired Cheney to say, 'go F@#% yourself!'  Teach your kids about the government the fun way!  Amaze your friends!  Surprise your boss!  Break your lease!  Bush bash to da beat!  Show that you give a damn!  Aw, what the heck...give a couple of damns!"

Let's meet the party people - first, political humorist Wayne Lammers, who resides in New York City.  He's probably best known for his one-man, multi-media musical, "Sending Up Rush Limbaugh"; he did another one-man show, "For No Apparent Reason," which received praise from the New Yorker.  Lammers was the weekly political comedy correspondent for the Jackie Mason Radio Show and The Felder Report, and has made 23 comic music videos which have been seen nationwide on PBS, MTV, and in numerous film festivals.

We have keyboardist/composer Pete Levin, however, to thank for the grand music on GOP.  Levin, a Woodstock resident, has been part of the NY music scene for 30+ years, recording and performing with Sting, Paul Simon, Annie Lennox, David Sanborn, Jaco Pastorius, and Tony Levin.  He majored in French horn at Juilliard, but jazz and rock became his forte on Hammond organ.  After playing French horn with legendary jazz arranger Gil Evans for 15 years, he started developing skills as a programmer on Moog synth.  Levin's worked on hundreds of recordings and released three solo albums.  He currently tours with Brubeck Brothers Quartet, Trio3 with Mike DeMicco, Richie Hart Band, and Retro Rockets.

The duo recorded this 18-song gem at Sonart Studios in Mount Tremper, Schoolhouse Sound in Saugerties, and Buttons Sound in New York City.  Says Lammers of musical buddy Levin: "Pete's music is so eclectic.  He does all this with just his little synth, so it's basically Pete's brilliance shining through.  It's not a band."  But it sure sounds like one.  And by eclectic, we mean marches, raps, country-western, orchestral, reggae, you name it.  Lammers contributes lyrics and lead vocals, and the result is something in the vein of Monty Python, Cheech and Chong or Lenny Bruce, or the novelty songs of Ray Stevens or Alan Sherman.

"I wasn't bound at all by style," explains Levin, "since we knew it was going to be very strange and probably wouldn't get airplay.  It'll take unusual stations to play it; logically any disc jockey who puts it on the air will irritate 50 percent of his audience."

One person who insists on playing these songs is Al Franken (www.ofrankenfactor.com) on his Air America radio talk show.  "There was no voice for the liberal side," says Levin.  "There were all these other people - Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly - this wave of conservative radio.  Al decided he was going to voice the other side.  He's very committed to it."  The Lammers/Levin duo also have four songs on Franken's upcoming album.

The GOP gala begins with "Mission Accomplished," a ridiculously bombastic military march with a large cast of patriots crowing with American pride: "It went without a flaw / the shock filled them with awe / the evil doer's done / like burgers on a bun."  In "Rush Dogg," Rapper Limbaugh is finally converted: "The past is over, I don't let it dog me / the artist Limbaugh is now Rush Doggie!  / I know Sean Hannity's a no-no / and I'm touring Africa with Bono."

In "Sorry," Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld apologizes in the fashion of counter-terrorism aide Richard Clarke, set to an elegant '20s Rudy Vallee style: "Believe me when I say the apology's sincere / I'm awfully, awfully sorry for that broomstick up their rear."  Says Levin of the song's creation: "I'd just heard Clarke doing his public apology and a little while later everybody else started doing that - it's hip that they should all start apologizing and get away with anything.  Even the old broomstick routine."

Lammers adds: "That song came from a great anger of those two idiots, those two numbskulls.  Who are we?  What have we become?  What is that flag, what does it represent?  And the idea that god - this is what's so hysterical if it wasn't so horrifying - the idea that God would be on the side of torture?"

Rush Limbaugh sings the glories of drug addiction in the hypocritical hillbilly favorite, "My Drugs Are Red, White, and Blue."  Says Lammers: "Somebody like Limbaugh can be consuming enormous amounts of illegal narcotics, and that's okay.  But they'll put someone in prison down in Texas for 300 years for having medical marijuana.  It's staggering to me."  In the hilarious whistler "Janet Jackson's Breast," Lammers reveals what really horrifies America.  "It's always Scott and Laci Peterson, or it's OJ, or whatever...there's always some darn ridiculous thing that they get us worked up about.  We don't talk about things that are really important.  We get so wrapped up in absurdity.  Like basketball...why do you care about five huge men who make millions of dollars and will never know who you are?  It's stupid!"

But what's really, wonderfully stupid is "The I Hate Ann Coulter Song," so full of glee with its happy children's chorus bashing the shiny-haired, syndicated conservative columnist.  Lammers says they used 10,000 left-wing kids.  "Children who have already been indoctrinated.  I always thought it would be hysterical do to a song like this, with such happy music.  So, my God, I can die at peace now."

In the '50s tune "Do The Chickenhawk," Lammers and Levin rock the hen house with the dance that is sweeping the nation, slamming those who support war, but are unwilling to fight America's "enemies" themselves: "First you flap your arms like a right-wing nut / shoot off your mouth and stick your head up your butt."  "I really like that last chorus with the giant cannons firing to the beat with the chicken sounds," laughs Lammers.  "It makes the point of these idiot people, the Swift Boat people, who aren't as swift as they might think they are."

"Condoleezza in D Minor" is National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice testifying before the 9/11 commission; it's set to highbrow classical piano, heralding the artistic career she could've had.  "I should be playing concert piano / not being whacked like Tony Soprano."

US Attorney General John Ashcroft is having a nervous breakdown in the right wing horror classic "John Ashcroft's Nightmare": "Everything's under surveillance / who knows who might be assailants?  / Even stars might be Al-Quaeda / What's in the bag, Winona Ryder?"  Perhaps the most frightening cut is "The Empire Rules The Earth," a Big Brother anthem set against dreamy strings: "The camera's always there, the spies are everywhere / embedded in your clothes, implanted in your nose / encrypted in your soul, all by remote control."  Lammers adds to the spookiness.  "They just had a thing about cars the other day [in the news]. When you crash, [the authorities will] know exactly what happened.  Your car will testify against you.  In the Village Voice they show you where all the cameras are all over the city that are watching us.  So, just don't do anything wrong, okay?"

And, of course, this CD couldn't be complete without a musical commercial break, the 30-second "Fly Enron Air" which exclaims "Up Yours and Away!"

There's a good chance there'll be a GOP Party Monsters Volume 2, beginning with a song about the voting machines.  "It's not only that they might be rigged," explains Lammers.  "In other words, the election's already happened.  But if you're the CIA or FBI you'd want a paper trail.  Who made the decision not to have a paper trail?"

"With each song there's the danger that what we're doing isn't really funny," says Levin.  "Perhaps it's a downer and we should stop now.  But we're trying to making it palatable and entertaining by doing comedy.  We want people to have a few laughs, enjoy, and just let the message be there."

So, party monsters, what are you waiting for?  Pick up this one at the aforemention-ed URL and laugh yourself sick!  GOP only knows we need it.