Without contraries there is no progression.
—William Blake
Early in the morning in the kitchen, I set my coffee on the windowsill. Turning away I heard glass shatter and hot liquid hit my leg. The vessel I half-placed on the ledge had fallen to the ceramic tiles below. After the initial shock, I paused and felt what had happened. I had not placed the glass with attention. I was already moving on to the next thing. I had not been present.
Brought into a greater alertness by the rude awakening I swept shards, mopped coffee, and vacuumed the spot to be sure that my inattention would not do further damage by planting a sliver of glass in the sole of some beloved member of my household.
I could see that despite all my fine ideas I did not pay attention to the simple, practical task of placing a glass on the shelf. The result has been a renewed, albeit halting, attempt at mindfulness in simple activities. Can I make less noise when placing clean silverware back in the drawer? Can I be alert to notice that the cat's meow says she is hungry? Can I stop and listen to the person who is speaking to me? Can I finish what I start? Can I be present?
I'm certain innumerable similar destructive results of inattention, lacking the drama of shattered glass, go unnoticed. Thankfully, this one gave a shock that I could use as a reminder.
The inner work teacher George Gurdjieff said the following to a group of students a hundred years ago, and the words ring true today:
It is only with the present that you repair the past and prepare the future. The future and the past do not exist without the present. The present exists to repair all our mistakes and to prepare the future, that is to say, another life, desirable for you.
It is very important for you to feel the present. You must do everything in order to have a present. This goes for everyone, but especially for you.
It is necessary to have a present. The past is the past; yesterday is finished. It will never return. Tomorrow can come, but a different tomorrow depends on the presence of today.
It is necessary to practice. It is necessary to do everything today.
I see that simply wanting to practice attention does not give sufficient force for a deep and sustained effort. I need to be able to make use of what Gurdjieff called "the denying force." This means seeing and feeling the shock of my lack of presence and its results, and using the force of that shock to impel a new effort. In this sense, apparent failures provide the fuel for a genuine inner work in the present.
"Presence" is a fine-sounding word, which by all accounts represents something appealing. The difficulty arises when I realize it includes both the pleasant and the unpleasant, including those facts and experiences I would otherwise reject or ignore.
I see this when I go outside and listen. The bird and bug-song, the song of the wind blowing through trees, the crack of thunder are sounds I love to hear. But behind these delicious sounds is the growl of engines, tires whistling on roads, canned pop music. These I would automatically reject, and even resent. And I see that I need to hear all of it together.
Walking up the steep Stairmaster path at the Mohonk Preserve I notice that my legs ache and breath is short. I almost express fatigue to my friend walking behind but then something in me chooses to keep silent, and I am able to feel the discomfort and carry on. This decision, or sacrifice of complaint, gives force to my effort to sense my feet on the stones.
A longtime friend takes great care to tell me about my ignorance and faults, my unfair privilege and ingratitude. Though not always successful I take care not to argue as there is often truth in her critiques. She affords me an invaluable denying force. My friend is elderly and I try to return service by being helpful in practical ways.
To work in the present I am invited to be receptive to the difficulties, whether they be physical pain, emotional distress, or even ideological disagreements. Life affords abundant material for repairing the past and preparing the future.
Author Jason Stern will open a new inner work group in the Fourth Way tradition of G. I. Gurdjieff in September. Join the introductory meeting, and hear a talk titled "21st Century Seekers: A Practical Work for Being," Thursday, September 19, 7pm, 64 Plains Road, New Paltz. Harmonious development.org.
